Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: Wedding Wisdom from a Veteran Minister

As I wrap up an unexpectedly long wedding season, I find myself circling back to one of my mama's signature pearls of wisdom. Any time I got riled up, overwhelmed, or stressed out, she'd calmly say, "Don't sweat the small stuff." This advice is charming—until you're standing outside in Central Texas in late June, actually sweating through your third outfit of the day.

A Journey of Growth in Weddings

I've been marrying couples for over 20 years. During this time, I've experienced significant personal growth. I’ve evolved not only as an ordained minister but also as a spouse, mama, and someone learning the lessons of patience and grace. Required courses in this school of life include Letting Go 101, Advanced Deep Breathing, and Wedding Crisis Triage.

The Overwhelming Wedding Planning Process

One of the biggest lessons I've learned is this: People tend to overdo weddings. And I say that with love. Initially, I believed I was alone in my Type A, OCD tendencies and project-manager DNA. It turns out, everybody's got a little inner wedding planner who's two steps away from a Pinterest-induced panic attack.

A brilliant former minister of mine in Houston used to say, "Let go and let God." There is no better time to apply that wisdom than when you're trying to decide between ivory and eggshell napkins for your 175-person guest list.

I've seen couples with huge support networks and others with just a handful of close family. Regardless of the size of the group, the worries remain the same:

• "What's the dress look like?"

• "Do we go with dahlias or daisies?"

• "How many cake tiers say 'classy' without saying 'we just took out a second mortgage?'"

• "Do we need to pick Grandma up from the airport? And cousin Pam?"

• "Do we have enough PTO to survive this wedding and the honeymoon?"

• "Does anyone have mailing addresses anymore?"

• "What if I don't have someone to walk me down the aisle?" (Hint: I'll do it.)

  
  

I understand. I’ve been there. The planning process often feels like a tidal wave of questions, details, and logistics—all the stuff that typically emerges about 24 hours after the engagement ring does. Let's be honest: in most couples, one person is the planner, and the other is merely trying to keep up without accidentally booking the wrong DJ. (Spoiler alert: There's always one planner. In my marriage, that planner is me.)

Different Paths to Wedding Bliss

Now don't misunderstand me—there are countless ways to plan a wedding, from grand galas to barefoot elopements. But regardless of the chosen path, stress always finds a way to sneak in. That’s when I like to channel my mama again.

My Southern mama had a treasure trove of sayings, each filled with equal parts sass and soul, such as:

• "Don't tell all you know."

• "Back your ears like a mule and just get it done."

• "Hold your horses."

• "Don't be ugly."

  
  

And perhaps my favorite: "Madder than a wet hen." Now, I've never actually seen a wet hen, but in my 6-year-old imagination, it looked a lot like Bugs Bunny spraying Daffy Duck with a hose.

Embracing Imperfection on Your Special Day

But my all-time favorite piece of wisdom from my mama? "It'll all come out in the wash."

That’s my message to couples. Honestly, it will. Regardless of how the cake leans or who forgets the rings, your day will be beautiful because it's yours.

Side note: I fully admit to having a tendency to offer unsolicited advice. I’ve earned that right! But don't worry, my Southern manners keep it mostly in check—unless you're within hugging distance. At 62, I've experienced a lot. I've been through childhood trauma, motherhood, marriage, and enough therapy to earn a sidebar degree. I’m still learning. My approach usually combines humor and grace. Just this morning, I learned something valuable: Life doesn't stop handing out lessons, especially the ones we learn by tripping over our own shoelaces.

Final Thoughts on Life and Love

Here's what I know: It's okay to make mistakes. That's how we grow. Forgive yourself. Keep going. Most importantly, include a good dose of humor along the way! Life is not meant to be perfect; it's meant to be experienced.

So, here’s my official wedding—and life—wisdom:

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you have a big to-do list, back your ears like a mule and get things done. If someone's mom, aunt, or Abuelita tries to take over and run the show, and you find yourself madder than a wet hen, don’t be ugly. Remember, it'll all come out in the wash. And most importantly: You are loved. A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

At the end of it all, you may not remember every tiny detail of your day—but you will remember the feelings shared. So will everyone who loves you.

With joy,

Rev. A. Benae Colbért  

Ceremonies For Life | Austin, TX

Legally ordained. Spiritually grounded. Fully inclusive. I want to marry you!