Crafting Wedding Vows That Capture Your Love Story—A Real-Couple Guide (Without the Panic Spiral)

I recently met with a wonderfully sweet and fun couple with whom I really connected. As we were wrapping up the Ceremony Consult, the last question was: Can we write our own vows, and do you have any advice? Boy, do I!

Writing your own wedding vows has become one of the most meaningful parts of modern ceremonies — and also one of the most intimidating. You start out excited, caffeinated, and optimistic… and suddenly you're staring at a blank page, wondering how to summarize your entire love story in under two minutes without ugly crying or sounding like a greeting card.

Good news: you don't have to be a poet or professional writer to create beautiful vows. You just need honesty, intention, and a little structure. Let's walk through it together.

Exchanging your own vows.

What Wedding Vows Really Are (Hint: Not a Performance)

Wedding vows are promises you make to your partner about your love, commitment, and future together. They can be traditional or playful, emotional or lighthearted, poetic or simple. There is no "right" style — only what feels authentic to you as a couple.

At their heart, vows aren't about impressing your guests. They're about speaking directly to the person you're choosing to do life with. Everything else is lagniappe.

Start Early (Future You Will Be Grateful)

One of the biggest vow-writing mistakes? Waiting until the week of the wedding — when your brain is already juggling seating charts, cake flavors, and Aunt Ruthie's opinions.

Start at least a few weeks ahead so you have time to:

• Reflect on what you truly want to say

• Write rough drafts (yes, plural)

• Edit and refine your wording

• Practice reading them aloud

Giving yourself space lets your vows evolve naturally instead of becoming a last-minute scramble. I'm talking to you, procrastinators.

Reflect on Your Relationship

Before you write a single sentence, pause and think about your story. Ask yourself:

• How did you meet? What pulled you toward each other?

• What challenges have you navigated together?

• What qualities do you admire most in your partner?

• What does marriage mean to you — not just the wedding day?

Jot down moments, memories, or phrases that feel emotionally true. These personal details are what make vows memorable and heartfelt.

Sincere Always Wins

You don't need dramatic language or fancy vocabulary. In fact, simple and genuine almost always lands harder emotionally.

Instead of:

“I vow to be your eternal beacon of unwavering devotion…”

Try:

“I promise to support you and stand by your side through every season of our life.”

Your natural voice is your superpower here.

Use a Simple Structure (or K.I.S.S.)

If your thoughts feel scattered (very normal), use this basic framework:

1. Opening Statement - Why you love them and why you're standing here today.

2. Promises - Specific commitments you want to make.

3. Personal Touch - A shared memory, inside joke (keep it ceremony-appropriate), or value you hold together.

4. Closing Statement - Looking forward to your future.

This keeps your vows grounded, balanced, and emotionally paced.

Include Specific Promises

Vows aren't just romantic words — they're intentional commitments. Consider promises like:

• Supporting each other's dreams

• Choosing patience and kindness

• Being honest and loyal

• Laughing often (and forgiving quickly)

• Showing up during the hard seasons

Specific promises feel real. They show thoughtfulness and depth.

Practice Out Loud (Yes, Really)

Reading your vows silently and reading them out loud are two very different experiences. Practice helps you:

• Catch awkward phrasing

• Adjust pacing and tone

• Feel more confident on the big day

Pro tip: If you get emotional while practicing, that's actually good. It means your vows are working. And bring a hanky to the ceremony.

Decide When and Where to Exchange Vows

Traditionally, couples share vows during the ceremony — but many modern couples choose private vow exchanges before or after the ceremony for a more intimate moment.

Some even do both: heartfelt private vows, followed by shorter ceremonial vows. There's no wrong choice — just what fits your relationship and comfort level.

Handling Nerves (And Happy Tears)

Feeling emotional is normal. If your voice shakes or you need to pause, take a breath. Your partner isn't judging your delivery — they're listening to your heart. And honestly? A little emotion makes the moment even more beautiful. Again, bring a hanky.

A Few Wedding Vow Inspos

Use these as starting points — not scripts:

• "I promise to listen with an open heart and speak with kindness.”

• "I vow to celebrate your victories and walk beside you through challenges.”

• "I will be your partner in adventure, your comfort in hard moments, and your best friend always.”

• "Together, we will build a home filled with laughter, respect, and love.”

Make them sound like you.

Final Tips for Writing Your Wedding Vows

• Avoid clichés that don't feel authentic

• Write in your natural voice

• Aim for one to two minutes when read aloud

• Consider using a vow book or printed keepsake

• Share vows with your officiant if timing or ceremony flow matters

  
  

A Final Thought

Your wedding vows don't need to be perfect. They need to be real.

With intention, reflection, and a little practice, you'll create vows that not only shine on your wedding day — but become words you carry into your marriage for years to come.

And that's the good stuff.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Rev. A. Benae Colbért  

Ceremonies For Life | Austin, TX

Legally ordained. Spiritually grounded. Fully inclusive. "I want to marry you!"